At My Old School, the Gods Never Talked to Us...

Over the course of a week, I have learned the true inside scoop on several mythical accounts.  The deities themselves rained down in the tens to come and educate my class on their fantastical legends.  Now, short saplings of their tall, tall tales.

SUN WU KONG-

Sun Wu Kong was born from a rock and spent his early millenniums staring off into space.

RA-

When the humans on Earth didn't give him any r-e-s-p-e-c-t he sent Hathor to punish them with death!  Fortunately he changed his mind.

SET-

Set shoved Osiris into a chest and then drowned him in a river so that he could be the sole ruler of Egypt.

ISIS-

Isis used the poisonous bite of a snake to convince Ra to give her his all powerful secret name.

HORUS-

Horus started a contest with Set to decide who should be the king of Egypt and then he won by cheating in the raft building game.

OSIRIS-

Osiris's brother chopped him into fourteen pieces and scattered them throughout the world, but Isis found them and brought Osiris back long enough to conceive a child.

ODIN-

According to Odin's immense wisdom, the end of the world, Ragnarok, will be signaled by a giant red rooster falling from the sky.

LOKI-

Loki turned himself into a mare in order to seduce a stallion to prevent a giant from finishing his construction in time.  Then Loki gave birth to an eight legged horse.

BALDER-

Balder's seeming invincibility and impervious good looks caused him to die from a mistletoe plant that indirectly came from Loki.

FREYA-

When Freya cried over her missing husband, her tears became veins of gold and pieces of amber.

THOR-

Thor once had to dress up as a bride to the King of the Frost Giants in order to steal back his hammer.

COYOTE-

When Coyote's son died he tried to get Raven to make all of the animals immortal. But Raven wouldn't so they ended up fighting for all eternity.

RAVEN-

Raven impregnated a a rich man's wife by hiding in her water and then was born as her son.  He then convinced the rich man to give him the stars, moon, and sun.

HERMES-

Hermes stole Apollo's cattle and then turned all of the bovines' hooves backwards!

ARTEMIS-

Artemis turned Actaeon into a deer for watching her bath and then she laughed when his hunting dogs killed him.

APOLLO-

Apollo fought the giant snake Pytho to reach his oracles on the island of Delphi.